


In Flight, Off Menu

by notwest



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Airplane Sex, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Exhibitionism, M/M, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:35:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notwest/pseuds/notwest
Summary: Karkat's just trying to do his job as a flight attendant, but there's an asshole in business class that won't leave him alone.Predictably, things escalate.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 22
Kudos: 211





	In Flight, Off Menu

Being a flight attendant is not at all what Karkat thought it would be. Five years ago he'd put in his application with dreams of seeing the world, meeting new people and finding love in some far away place he couldn't pronounce.

The reality of the situation looked more like back to back shifts and lonely nights followed by endless hours perched on hotel bathroom toilets with no feeling in his legs after eating questionable take-out.

Just five more hours until they land in Los Angeles and Karkat can fall asleep in his own bed. At least this flight should be easy. He’s working business class tonight and to his luck there are only a few passengers. 

Right now he's bent over in the front galley reloading the drinks cart when a can of Sprite slips out of his hands and hits the floor. The can sizzles open, spraying the carpet with soda. God damn it. He takes a deep breath. This is his third and last flight of the day; he hasn't slept in twenty four hours; he hasn't had a day off in two weeks and hasn't gotten laid in triple that. 

At least red-eyes are quiet. 

Ding!

Usually. 

The asshole in row three is pressing the call button again. Karkat drops the empty can into the trash and stomps over. The flight took off barely twenty minutes ago and Karkat's already trying not to strangle himself with the demonstration safety buckle. 

"Yes."

"Nothing," the guy says. "Just checking to see if it works."

Karkat folds his arms over his chest. "It worked the last three times you called me over." 

He smiles and nods. His teeth are so white it’s dazzling. "Like I said, just checking"—and quieter after Karkat openly scowls and turns toward the main cabin—" _You out_."

He almost freezes, but forces himself to keep moving forward. Obviously he's being fucked with. There's no way this guy is actually hitting on him, right? 

Karkat stares at the back of the passenger's head from his place in the galley. He's regrettably attractive—a classic LA type with shades pushed up into his platinum blonde hair, bronze skin, a confident smile, and status as unquestionably out of Karkat's league. 

Not to mention the part where he’s an obnoxious piece of shit. 

Ding!

Karkat takes his time walking the few steps over to row three. “What do you want.”

The guy turns his body fully to face the aisle and cocks his head. “What’s your name?”

“Karkat.”

“Nice to meet ya Karkat. Dave.” He holds out his hand to shake and Karkat takes it almost by reflex. His hands are very much not worker hands; they’re soft and slim but they hold up to Karkat’s more than firm squeeze. 

Karkat drops Dave's hand. “Did you actually need anything or are you just committed to wasting my time?”

Dave reaches under his seat and grabs a case. “Yeah, actually. I had a question—can I use my iPad on the plane?”

“Yes, as long as it’s in flight mode,” Karkat confirms, relieved to be back to a somewhat professional routine. 

“Sick,” Dave says. "Siri, open Lust Cinema."

Karkat’s eyebrows shoot up. What the fuck?

He may have said that out loud, because Dave turns back to him with a straight face. “I fuckin’ hate PornHub,” he explains with a flick of the wrist. “Where’s the artistry, huh? Where’s the _jenny say caw_?”

Meanwhile, his iPad loads up the very obvious porn website he’s decided to peruse. Unbelievable. Karkat takes yet another deep breath of recycled, stale air and forces his face blank. 

“Whatever. There’s no rule against it just… don’t disturb the other passengers.”

He walks away feeling slightly disoriented. What the fuck possesses someone to act like this? He’s gotta be joking. 

The next time Karkat passes Dave he's browsing the video selection screen. Karkat forces his eyes straight ahead and walks by without a word. Thank god the other passengers In this cabin are spaced very far apart, far enough that no one would be able to see what Dave is doing. 

Except Karkat of course. 

With Dave seemingly occupied, the next thirty minutes go by undisturbed. Then the curiosity starts eating at Karkat. He's not going to go over there though. No way. 

Ding!

Karkat approaches Dave from the front this time, so he thankfully doesn't get to see what's on the screen. 

"What," he says. 

"Can I get another blanket?" Dave asks and looks down at his crotch. "This one's not really… enough." 

Karkat follows his gaze, and it's light enough in the cabin to just see the outline of his erection under the fabric. 

"Are you fucking serious?" Karkat hisses, forcing his eyes up and away from Dave's lap. His face is hot and he just needs to get away from this situation right the fuck now. 

Dave shrugs, like this is an everyday fucking event. "Casualties of the job, man, what can I say." 

Karkat's eyebrows buckle. "The job? What the fuck job are you talking about that you need to watch"—he lowers his voice further, glancing around at the two other sleeping people in the cabin—" _porn_ on a fucking airplane?" 

Dave exhales. "Isn't it obvious? You're talking to Hollywood's premier director of fine adult films. Now perusing the competition, that just comes with the territory. You can watch with me, if you want. It's always good to have an extra set of eyes."

Karkat shakes his head, incredulous. "I don't watch that shit. And it looks to me like you're doing more than just perusing the—" As he speaks, Karkat finally catches an eyeful of what's on Dave's screen—a red, twisting bulge—before he wrenches them away, a flash of _something_ churning in his gut. It’s a troll human flick featuring none other than a rustblooded troll and a blonde man. Could it be just a coincidence?

Something about the 'director''s self-satisfied look tells him otherwise.

"I'll be right back with your blanket," Karkat says loudly and walks away with his ears and cheeks burning.

This is ridiculous. No one has _ever_ come onto him this hard in all of his life. Karkat doesn't think he's unattractive by any means, but as a lowblood mutant on Alternia he had been used to well, mostly being invisible. 

Not to mention that Dave’s attention was dangerous. He has a job to do. Karkat strengthens his resolve before returning to row three with the blanket. 

Even in the dim light Dave’s grin is breath-taking. "Thanks, you’re a doll," he purrs, eyes twinkling.

He puts the blanket over his chest, pulling it all the way up around his neck and lays back, closing his eyes. Karkat could almost laugh, he looks like he’s at the dentist or something. Except for the porn that's still very much playing on his iPad that Karkat is still very much ignoring, and the very apparent erection still gracing their presence that Karkat is also very much ignoring. At least he's grateful that Dave is wearing earbuds.

Karkat stands next to Dave for one unfortunate second too long, and one of his eyes pops open again.

"Looking for a show?" Dave's arm shifts under the blankets and Karkat follows the movement until he's struck with the realization of what's about to happen. 

The outline of Dave's arm moves lower, until it's clear he's holding himself in his hand. Karkat sucks in a breath but he can't bring himself to say anything. As much as he shouldn't, he… wants to see this. 

"It's all you by the way," Dave says in a low voice. His fist moves up slowly under the blankets. "The porn, that's just window dressing. You're the goddamn... _Ahhh_ … Display." 

The dam breaks and hot arousal flushes through Karkat's body. He stands transfixed, watching the flex of Dave’s throat and the soft flutter of his eyelashes as the movement under the blanket becomes steadily more pronounced, and then more… rhythmic. Watching this stranger masturbate himself while the sound of some rustblood getting fucked fills his ears. 

Karkat doesn’t know how much time passes, five seconds or five minutes, until the feeling of his own bulge stirring in its sheath kicks him back into reality. He has to stop this. He swallows thickly. Tries to think about what he would do if this was any other passenger. “Sir," he says loudly. “You need to stop what you're doing right now." 

Dave opens his eyes and Karkat nearly goes weak at the knees. His mouth is dry with lust for this stranger who’s looking at him with sex written all over his face, his fist moving quickly now under the blanket. 

“I can’t stop,” Dave moans, almost as loud. Karkat’s heart skips a beat and his head whips around. No one is looking at them. 

“At least fucking... go to the bathroom,” he pleads. He needs this to stop. Because it can't be happening here, not because he wants to jump in this stranger's lap; and definitely not because he wants to replace that fist with his mouth or his nook, or... 

“Only if you... _Fuck…_ only if you come with me?” is Dave’s answer. 

“No!” Karkat sputters, backing away. “I can’t… I can’t.” He cements himself in the words, repeating himself in his head until his resolve has hardened. 

“Okay,” Dave says. He slowly pulls his hand out of his pants and stands up to face the aisle, not looking at Karkat. “Sorry, I won’t bother you anymore.”

Maybe it’s just his imagination but Karkat thinks he can smell the sex on his fingers. And they’re standing close enough to kiss now; they're close enough that Karkat could grab him by the ass, pull their crotches together and feel that hardness against him.

The plane jostles just enough to clear Karkat’s head again. “Good,” he replies, trying to keep the shake he feels out of his voice. 

“Okay. I’m just gonna go take care of this,” Dave says with a slightly embarrassed and very cute grin. “Sorry I bothered you, it’s just. Well, whatever. You’re hot I guess. Can’t miss if you don’t shoot.”

He shrugs and walks off to the bathroom. Karkat stares at his back until it disappears. There’s no point in pretending otherwise—he’s undeniably fucking horny out of his mind. His bulge is tickling at the inside of his underwear and only making everything worse, and the mental image of Dave hunched over in the bathroom pumping his dick frantically is making Karkat’s nook pulse. 

He paces the cabin for a few minutes, getting steadily more worked up before approaching the bathroom. The idiot actually left it unlocked. If it was on purpose Karkat doesn’t know and at this point he doesn’t care. 

He checks the cabin again to make sure everyone is still asleep before tilting his head toward the bathroom door, holding his breath to hear any sounds. 

There's definitely sound but Karkat can’t make it out. He dares closer, glancing around again before pressing his ear flush against the thin door. 

The soft, wet slaps and breathy sounds he hears make him unsheathe instantly with a gasp. He hits his horn on the door.

The sounds stop. 

FUCK!

Karkat doesn’t think. He grabs the door handle, yanks it open and flings himself inside. 

Only when his back is to the locked door does he look up at Dave. Red eyes stare back, before the face they adorn splits into a beautiful grin. 

“I knew it. Ahh, _fuuuuuuuuck_ ,” he says, returning to what he was doing with a slow stroke of his dick. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Karkat says, breathless. He yanks Dave’s face toward his with both hands. “You don’t know shit.”

“Oh yeah?” Dave says. His eyes are molten magma in the bright bathroom light. His arm is still pumping. “Wanna share with the class why you’re in here then, hmm _Karkat_?”

Karkat just kisses him—he kisses the useless, idiot jerk he’s probably going to lose his job over but he can’t bring himself to care right now. Thinking is not a priority when all he wants to do is taste, smell, and _feel_ every bit of Dave he can. 

One of Dave’s hands slips beneath his waistband. 

“Let's see how wet you are for me,” Dave says, breath hot against Karkat’s neck. His fingers skirt down Karkat’s bulge and easily dip between the slick folds of his nook. Karkat throws his head back with a gasp. 

“Fuck,” Dave breathes, “I gotta get in there.” His eyes snap up and Karkat nods quickly, lip caught between his fangs. He doesn’t even know what Dave is asking to do and he doesn’t care, he’s so worked up he might explode, and even though this is only going to make it worse for him in the long run there’s nothing he wants more. 

"Time for the feature presentation," Dave mumbles as he pulls down Karkat's pants and underwear in one movement and buries his face between Karkat's legs.

Karkat drops, backing into the wall at the first touch of Dave's tongue to his dripping nook. His legs spread, allowing Dave to move in deeper. Karkat can practically see the grin in his eyes as he thrusts his tongue up inside his nook and wiggles it around like a little bulge. 

It feels incredible. Every word is knocked out of Karkat as he trembles against the bathroom wall, fingers tightening into Dave's hair. 

His bulge is making a mess of Dave’s upper face, mostly smearing material all over his forehead and bangs before he so fucking casually reaches up with one hand and fists it. Red slurry sluices down his knuckles and Karkat's knees buckle with the sensation as hot pleasure rolls down his spine. 

Karkat’s thighs clench when he comes and he has just enough sense to shove the side of his palm into his mouth before he wakes the entire plane. Meanwhile, Dave keeps tonguing at Karkat's oversensitive nook, licking it clean before leaning back with a satisfied huff.

Karkat looks down at Dave with something like wonder. No one has _ever_ made him feel that good. Dave just wipes his mouth and laughs, sitting back on his heels. 

"I know, I know. Call me a freak but I've slept with more trolls than humans. It's not even a fetish thing. I think it’s just easier. No mess, no diseases, no babies. Plus, god is nook my favorite thing on this earth, I'm so serious. I'll get in there. You name it, any time of day. Put me in coach; call up Lil' Caesars because I am hot and fucking ready."

Karkat is so simultaneously put off by Dave's word vomit and relieved by his orgasm that he just laughs, free and bright, smiling at Dave. For a rare moment in his life, he's thinking of nothing else.

Dave stands up while never letting his fingers leave Karkat's body. They travel up his thighs, his ass, and his waist; they brush over his grub scars and then his chest until they’re cupping his cheeks lightly. 

"Thank you babe," he says and leans in to kiss Karkat until they’re both breathless. The taste of himself on Dave's tongue sends a weak pulse of interest between Karkat’s legs.

Dave moves to buckle his pants and Karkat puts a hand on his chest, looking at him expectantly. "That's it?"

Dave's eyebrows raise and he looks down at Karkat's still wiggling bulge with interest. "I guess not." 

"Not me, moron! You didn't even get off!" 

Dave lets out a low chuckle. "Oh trust me I did. Maybe not physically. But spiritually, this entire bathroom is _coated_ in jizz.

Karkat folds his arms, but he can't erase the grin from his face. "Spiritually."

Dave's grin is just as wide. "Head to toe."

Karkat rolls his eyes as dramatically as he can manage. "Fucking sit down," he snaps, pulling Dave toward him by the lapels so he can pivot them in the small space. He pushes Dave down onto the toilet in front of him before shoving down his pants, kicking his own off the rest of the way as well. 

The shuffle to position himself above Dave's bulge is awkward but he manages, leaning in to steal another kiss and raking his claws through Dave's hair. 

"I know I said I finished already but I can't say I don't like where this is going," Dave mumbles in between kisses. "Looks like we’re ready to land that plane no matter what happens, this is your captain speaking— _mmffmm_." 

Karkat slaps a hand over Dave's mouth as he sinks down fully on Dave's cock, bracing his other hand on the wall in front of him. 

Dave's eyes flutter closed and he moans behind Karkat's fingers. A thrill runs through Karkat. He can affect Dave too. 

There’s a catch to having sex with humans. Their bulges aren’t the right shape or size to stimulate a troll’s seed flap and some of them don’t have one at all. Frankly Karkat still thinks they feel amazing, even if he has to resort to a toy to finish himself off properly, sometimes hours later. 

The sensation of the blunt head stretching his insides is incredible, and Karkat loves the animalistic thrusting maybe even more than he enjoys traditional pailing, even considering the catch. Wow maybe he's a freak, too. 

It's entirely too soon before Dave's hips start jerking up in that telltale way. "Fuck, I'm gonna come," he confirms, moaning loudly. Both of them are well beyond inconspicuousness at this point. Karkat leans in to capture Dave's mouth again, bouncing his hips down to meet Dave's every thrust and swallowing his building moans. He's so caught up in Dave's pleasure that he's caught off guard by his own climax, which hits him like a truck. It's even more intense than his first; Karkat spasms, hooking his arms around Dave's neck like a lifeline while he shudders and cries out. 

"Fuck, fuck, _fuck!"_ Dave chants, digging his fingers into Karkat's ass and hoisting him up before driving his hips up _hard_. Karkat squeals and nearly bites his own tongue off as he's rammed into, panting hot against Dave's shoulder. 

"Ahhh, can I come inside you, pretty?" Dave asks in a breathy, strained voice. 

Karkat lifts his head up, nodding furiously. "You fucking better," he breathes, before devouring Dave's mouth again. He's lost in the heady intensity of it all—the slapping and wet sounds coming from their bodies together are obscene and primal and it's just, so, so fucking good. 

"You're so fucking hot," Dave breathes, grabbing Karkat by the face with one hand while continuing to drill into Karkat's nook. He dips two fingers into Karkat's mouth, hooking them behind his bottom teeth and Karkat clamps down, sucking and dragging his fangs across Dave's knuckles. 

" _Fuck—_ " Dave's eyes screw shut and his mouth softens in pleasure as he comes. Karkat gasps and ruts against him, milking his cock and wringing out the last of his own pleasure while Dave spasms beneath Karkat's thighs, letting loose more praise that makes Karkat's head spin. 

He slumps over Dave when they're done, breathing hard. "I can't believe I just did that."

It's true. It's cramped, it's disgusting, and it's filling Karkat with absolute elation. He feels free; he will be free, after this. 

"Perfection," Dave mutters, giving him a soft kiss on the forehead. Karkat rolls his eyes and makes to get off of Dave's lap, but he's stopped by Dave gripping him tightly. 

"Before we go back out there you gotta promise me." He runs a thumb over Karkat's cheek and smiles. "I need to see you again."

Karkat blushes, as if they didn't just fuck like animals in here a minute ago and considers his words. Dave is still inside of Karkat, filling him with a pulsing warmth. Dave wraps his hand around Karkat's neck to pull him close and then crushes their mouths together once more. The fire inside Karkat relights itself immediately, wanting and ready. His bulge squirms between them, suddenly interested in the proceedings. 

"We can do my workplace next time," Dave whispers. "I think the facilities would lend themselves nicely to our whims." 

Karkat snorts and rolls his eyes. "You mean the fake moans and obnoxious horn jobs?" 

Dave's ruby eyes bore into Karkat's. "I mean whatever it takes so I can have _this_ again." He smooths a hand over Karkat's ass, reaching around to tease at his nook from behind. Dave's dick slips out of Karkat only to be replaced with his fingers. Karkat whines when Dave slips in three at once, spreading them out and teasing at the slick walls of his nook. 

Dave's voice rumbles deep in Karkat's ear, making his insides squeeze. "What if I make you come again?"

The more Karkat comes the worse he's going to need a bucket, and seeing as there are still three more hours on this flight, letting Dave get him off again is a patently terrible idea. Unfortunately for Karkat his bulge is at the wheel, because the only thing he does is sink deeper onto Dave's fingers and groan. "Okay."

His questing bulge takes the opportunity to wrap around Dave's cock, which is already hard and wanting again and they both moan. Dave starts up a relentless pace of fingering Karkat's nook, and it's all Karkat can do but tremble above him, his eyes watering with the need to come. 

"Come on, for me one more time baby, I know you can do it. Come on." Dave eggs him on with nonstop hurried words and frantic fingers, his knuckles catching against the edges of Karkat's nook again and again, making his thighs shudder violently. "Come on, you're fucking gorgeous, you're a star… Look at you pretty, come for me."

Karkat keens, his claws digging sharp into Dave's shoulders as he comes undone. But not only does he come, he actually _spills,_ genetic material gushing out of his nook and drenching Dave's thighs. 

"Holy fuck," Dave groans, still thrusting up into the grip of Karkat's bulge, chasing his own release. He brings around a hand that's now coated with slurry and massages the swollen head of his cock with it, his other hand hot on the small of Karkat's back. "Did you just spill?" he asks. "God that's so fucking hot..."

Karkat nods ducks his head, surprised and embarrassed. He latches on Dave's throat, biting and sucking hard enough to make Dave whine and gasp under his mouth. It's only a few seconds until Dave seizes beneath Karkat and comes again, releasing a small amount of pearly genmat into his own fist. He laughs as he catches his breath, looking at Karkat with something like wonder in his eyes. "Guess I was wrong when I said no mess, huh."

Karkat hides his face again and Dave laughs.

They sit together there for a while. Karkat runs his hands through Dave's hair; it's as soft as it looks. "I mean it," Dave says out of nowhere. 

Karkat tilts his head to catch Dave’s eyes. "Huh?"

"I mean come work with me."

Karkat sits up straight, grimacing at the sticky feeling underneath his thighs. "Excuse me, you're a fucking porn director." 

"Uh-huh. And you're a rising fucking star. I knew it and now I know it. That ass? That nook?" He kisses his fingers with a flourish. "And you spilling on just my fingers; I haven’t seen anything like that in all my years in the industry. I haven’t seen anything like that in porn, _period_.”

Karkat shakes his head, confused and flustered. It’s all too much, too fast. He’d come in here for a quick fuck and he’s leaving with what, a job offer? 

“At least come by the set,” Dave begs. “I have a car waiting, I can take you there when we land. What's there to lose?”

He’s right, Karkat realizes. He knows he doesn't have a job after this. He doesn't _want_ a job after this. And after being a flight attendant, Karkat doesn't exactly have a future mapped out for himself.

And it would mean spending more time with Dave.

“Alright, I’ll come by,” he grumbles, finally separating himself from Dave. “But I’m not promising shit.” 

“Yes,” Dave cheers, flashing Karkat a grin and squeezing him by the waist. “You won’t regret this.” 

“We’ll see about that,” he says but he’s smiling now too as he starts grabbing paper towels to clean up the mess. With the exception of the bottoms of their shirts, most of the mess had gotten on their skin and was easy enough to wipe off while taking turns at the tiny sink. 

It takes over five minutes and a lot of giggling until they’re both presentable enough to leave the bathroom. Luckily it’s still dark in the business cabin, and the two other passengers appear to be sleeping still. 

Dave slinks back to his seat with a wink and Karkat goes back to work, ignoring everyone as he does, and especially ignoring the obvious looks that the other flight attendants are giving him. He has a job to do. It doesn't matter what's going to happen after they land, because what Karkat does know is that he's going to finish his shift, damn it. 

Ding!

He sighs. It's going to be a long three hours.

**Author's Note:**

> [come vibe w/ us in the davekat server (18+)](https://discord.gg/wGqTQmN)   
> 


End file.
